Remember that wedding?

One of the many weddings I have talked about on here.. remember it? haha

Ok, J's cousin's wedding... it was in August.. well, eventhough I haven't seen any pics of the bride and groom, I got a hold of some candids from a family friend of the boys.. so for right now you get this..

*NOTE: I keep the orginials I get sent, but sometimes I can't help but play with the pictures a little bit... I sooooo need an iMac.
Here are some:

Ugh *may contain naughty language*

Many people have inquired about me posting how I got things on my mind and such... Many have speculated on the problem (no Pops, still not pregnant, nor trying to get there)... and many are kinda just bewildered by it.

There are a couple of things on my mind that I won't go into because I don't know who really reads this blog, so no use in getting that shit storm started.
But I will let you know a few things..
One, I am trying to quit smoking... taking Chantix.. been taking it. At first, some mild vomiting, then the really strong urge to want to swallow the barrel of a gun (should have searched the internet for 'people with previously diagnosed mental instability taking this crap'), then the moment of "AHHH I don't want to smoke anymore".. that lasted 8 glorious days.. with a few more days of vomitting, even sitting outside with people smoking all around me for 2 days.. no problem, then some more vomitting, now where do I stand?...6 DAMN lbs heavier. (If someone says "work out it will help".. I will come to your house and shove a Little Debbie up your butt.. ok?) I like to smoke, I enjoy smoking and dammit I want to really really bad but I want to bathe when I do and it doesn't taste right, but I want to be able to smoke socially because I enjoy it but I already feel guilty about it... I am getting the second refill for the medicine.
But not once do I want to read a comment or an email about "oh, keep going.. you are doing great" because honestly, J is the King of positive affirmation and right now it just makes me want to swallow razor blades. (I know he has it tough, I am waiting on the day he doesn't come home). I will start to put something like "Day 1, Day 1 again" on the top of all my posts and you will know how I am doing.. please please please.. don't ask. I know I have support.. just make it silent support please.

The whole resentment thing I wrote about... well, life I guess...
One hand I got THE life you know,.. sit at home eating bon bons, watching Oprah and having two perfect little angels running around with daisies singing "When the saints come marching in". I have the life anyone would dream of.
Seriously though... I got the job most mom's would dream of.. staying at home watching their little bundles turn into contributing members of society.. eventually. How could I resent anything about life?
Well, that for 1. People, friends, family basically making me feel like dog shit because I might have a hard time or want to get away from the singing daisies every now and then. I have to feel guilty because some people don't get that opportunity, so I need to just keep my damn mouth shut.
And since I am a stay at home mom, I should be this perfect person.. non-smoking, non cussing, Martha Stewart making everything, Donna Reed "yes sir dear", house is perfect and you should sit back while our perfect kids bring you bourban and a cigar while I cook and clean and be the perfect little 1950's conservative...
***PLEASE NOTE.. J DOESN'T EXPECT THIS OF ME... there are times I do though.
I love my children and would lay down my life today for either of them. Sometimes I feel like I have given up who I truly am because of them. Totally my decision apparently, but now they will never really know the person I really am.. the person their father could not get enough of.. *wink wink*... I know who I have become is not who I ever wanted to be. I think J worries about me leaving him sometimes because how completely unstable I am.. but honestly, I would only leave him to give him break from the complete HELL he has endured.
Then, I think,.. damn, my kids don't deserve for me to be in this state.... then it goes back to the whole perfect mother thing.. it is a cycle... like menstural.

Confused yet?
Good

I know that my career is on hold until the kids are off to school... I am an Engineer.. most of my learning is based on up to date information... if I stay out of that 10 years or longer (I know some will fight this.. but I have done my research), I might as well kiss my Master's and BS goodbye because it ain't gonna be worth the paper it is screen printed on... oh, my career goes with that. I have already kissed the company goodbye that I really really loved working for (mind you, I would do it again in a heartbeat to get another first year with G), and that paid really really really well. I have until October 2009 to take my Professional Engineering exam, but when the hell and I am going to study for that. Most people in the midst of their careers study for over a year and still don't pass... So obviously another kid is out of the question. Which sucks... bigtime..

Oh well..
I am done ranting for now.. I prolly won't rant anymore for a while.
Sorry I hoarded the post with that crap.
Ok.. a precious pic for your entertainment..

Oh.. that is when it happens

I often wondered when children got to the age where their parents were merely an inconvience they had to live with... I mean, when did kids start dismissing their parents and respond to questions in the "OMG you are so in my business.. just leave me alone."

My kids apparently start at 2 1/2.

"G, whatcha doin'."
*sigh*Payin'...
"G, what's D doin'?"
*sigh*Payin'...
"G, whatcha watchin?"
*BIG sigh*Rocket...
"G, you ready for a nap?"
*sigh wimper* NO NAP! *eye roll*

great, kids with a side of attitude.

Enough to break a heart... and a wedding!

I know.. another wedding, right?! lol.
Here's the dealio.. my uncle had a wedding date set of 11/1/08. All Saint's Day... they picked it because they thought it was somewhat ironic... moving on..
Ok.. so they are getting married in November in a small ceremony in downtown Memphis in a little house/chapel where they can invite like 20 some people then we are going to Paulette's for a reception that their friends have booked and planned already.
Then came Wednesday and they came by where we were price stuff for a garage sale and let us know "Hey, btw, we are getting tomorrow at 3:30 down at juvie hall." (that is where my uncle works)... "My buddy, Judge so and so, is going to marry us."

jaw drop

"Cool deal".

Welcome to the family Nikki.

So, J has gone out of town again. Only overnight, but he sat down with G last night and explained how he would not see him until like Tuesday night. G didn't think anything about it until this morning when Dada was not here to say bye to or watch leave or NUTTIN'!!!
What do you do??
You claw at the garage door and look underneath because if you cry loud enough or claw long enough.. things will eventually come your way, right?


How about if you scream DADA loud enough.. he ought to come through, right?


Surely it doesn't take that much longer than the inital 45 minutes!, right?

Sorry

This week has been crazy busy and that is why you haven't seen a lot of posts. Monday was a holiday, J was out of town Wednesday - Thursday, those days I was at my granny's old house with my mom and the boys getting stuff ready for granny's garage sale, Friday and Saturday was garage sale. Also, Nana and Granddaddy wanted to take the boys to Delta Fair.. so we went last night. G rode all the rides he wanted and had to be turned away for most of the ones he wanted because he is oh... a baby.. ok, a toddler.. ok a kid, but a WIDDLE kid... he thinks he is much bigger than he his.. anyways, he found a new ride he wanted to try. But being little, he would just hang because he didn't have enough weight... so the lady manning the thing helped him... she bounced him a bit.. the dadda (you know, his PROTECTOR) says "he ain't scared, let him take off".. and she did.. to the point it was drawing and crowd and many times you could here the crowd GASP.. my mom is having a coranary and me.. I am looking, but I can't.. but I have to, but I can't.. it is just crazy.. he is like 50 hundred stories up and the little booger head can't quit grinning!!! PUT THOSE DIMPLES BACK IN.. YOUR KILLING YOUR MOTHER! Sorry we don't have pictures... I probably would have dropped the camera anyways.

Oh.. and their aunt Becky gave them an old little baby drum thing that she had had with her boys to play with while we were putting prices on items... One day with dadda and he rocks out... check it... *btw, he is saying "two, four" when tapping his drum sticks together... then he stops and says "ROCK N' ROLL".. but trails off after rock.

What a difference a year makes

*sigh*

Weekend

Well, we had a very busy weekend, but it was great.
First, J and I had our 6th wedding anniversary... Here is a pic of us 10 years ago.. this was the first pic ever taken of us... Goodness, we look young...

Excuse my hairup, sweaty look.. this was right after a ball game.

How did we celebrate?? Well, we officially won't celebrate until Ron White comes to the Grand Casino on September 13th. But, we still had a good one spending time with Pops, Kaka, the boys and going to the Delta Fair.
The boys had a blast. G rode all the rides he could and D was pretty content NOT riding the rides.. good thing since he was still a little too short.
Of course they both rode the horses and fed the goats and such, and of course LOVED it.






Of course, for some reason, I was sick most of the weekend. Don't know why, but anyone who knows me knows I don't require that much sleep.. of course this weekend I couldn't get enough. I was up most of the night Saturday puking so much of Sunday for me was spent sleeping, then Monday, I slept some more after lunch and J was still gracious enough to let me sleep in every morning. ok.. enough of that.

Did you have a good weekend?

hmmmmmm?