Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Newest Super Soaker... and its free

At least it was for me!!!

How cool right?
Just wait...

So, Cor was working up a poop and I waiting until he relaxed enough that I thought he was done with the whole process.
I got a new diaper and sat in the floor in front of his playmat where he was playing spread eagle...

Very mundane process really... wipes, check... diaper, check.

So I undid the diaper and slid the top under his butt and got the dingy and everything clean, slid the new diaper under the old and grabbed both feed to lift the butt, clean and remove old...


what happened was I lifted his legs, made one swipe of the butt and WHAM...

That child let out the loudest, strongest, WETTEST fart in known history.

*Can't be that bad Casey.*


He sprayed poop everywhere... on the hardwood, himself, my pants (with holes), my arms, my shirt and MY FREAKIN' FACE.

Thank God I didn't have my mouth open.
I think....

When it happened I dropped his legs and screamed like the girl I embraced myself to be in that moment and sat there in shock... just shocked....

No one heard my screams.

Except Cor and I got the first official laugh out of him.

As I sat thinking "how in the hell did that just happen"... I felt the poop start working its way through the holes in my jeans and that woke me out of my shocked state.

I jumped up to walk across the poop covered floor to grab another diaper when it actually dawned on me that 1) I was barefooted and 2) there was poop working its way all the way down my leg.

THAT is when I stripped.

Then I wiped the floor with baby wipes and started a pile of "pooped on stuff" that I was planning on just burning.

I wiped down the baby who is amazing happy... got his naked butt of the poop mat and proceed to change him officially when BOOM.

*no.. not kidding*

He peed a river.
It hit my hair.

I cleaned him off of pee once again and finally got a clean diapered, happy baby.

I, in my still naked, peed on state, picked up the poop pile, threw it in the washer...
then I picked up annoyingly happy baby, walked straight into J's office, handed him baby and got a shower with a trusty bottle of antibacterial dial hand soap.

I think J is still laughing.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

LOL!!!! That is the best super soaker story I have EVER heard! Babies are amazing creatures! I swear Evie can rip one better than her daddy can.